A levels

So Far
Physics paper 3--- Done
Gp paper 1 --- Done
Gp paper 2 --- Done
Maths paper 1 --- Done
Maths paper 2 --- Done
----------------------
remainging
Econs paper 1
Econs paper 2
Econs paper 3
Physics paper 1
Physics paper 2
----------------------
soon to be home free...
Btw thanks Shi ying...
always managed to brighten my day..

A's

prelims over...
A-levels bound..
I got back econs paper 1..
Got A for that...
I got physics paper 1..
A too..
Physics paper 2
B...
Sucks... i dun think can reach my targets..
Arg... work harder...

MUG MUG MUG

Mugging... whole hols...
proud of myself... but only results can tell
done with econs and maths..
But physics..
50-50
i dunno man...
studying with NANI is productive...
Salleh too la...
All together very productive..
very good
Hopefully it pans out...
Piss tired...
...
Back to physics

Fragile

Ever Wonder how fragile life can be?
i still remember the first day of school
who was that Beng with blue hair
told kiat he had a rival.
He came on stage...
he was trying to hit on girls...
LMAO
we became friends quickly...
i soon found out he stayed 2 blocks away..
once in a while we'd hang
May you rest in peace...
Your place in heaven is there for you
amen

Suicidal

i hate to say i told you say...
i knew it...
caught in the middle...
---------
Casi Perfecto..
life is blissful when things go your way..
Superman..
---------
Cuz its you and me and all other people
with nothing to do...
nothing to lose...
and its you and me and all other people
and i don't know why...
i can't keep my eyes off of you...
--------

maybe its me, maybe not

A twang of loneliness...
No one around to listen..
No one what so ever to even say hello..
them same old story
happening all over again...
rejected
dejected
denied..

The Dead and the Dying

Shit seems to follow me wherever i go...
i need some answers...
i have no idea what is wrong...
shit..
this sucks...
i hate it...

Confused..

I dunno what to do...
feel like i am caught in the middle of chaos...
i am dying...
literally...
socially...
emotionally...
i dunno what to do..
whats going on?
emotion gets in the way of things
feelings are intangible barriers that bind man together..
however...
if i had accidentally caused a scar...
a stray blade to cut through the intangibles..
let me know...
cause i really wouldn't know...
especially if i think we were all joking...
let me know...
please..
for anyone i have offended...
sorry...
-----------
society is again bound by feelings..
love hate envy denial..
they all exist in unison...
imagine a simple relationship chart where one person is friends with many..
a war between 2 of his close friends takes its toll on him
whether they realise it or not..
its sad...
that the world is full of politics
cant every one just get along?
just try to be friends?
damn...
things are getting interesting
---------------
i have stupid lumps hear and there
i have blood coming from my neck..
i think i am dying
but what do i know?
i am just a kid
-----------------
Blood is thinker than water...
But to someone selfless
there is no difference...

Time Alone

Sometimes people just need time alone..
i definitely know why and what it feels like..
good friends close friends...
sometimes even more...
and shit seems to happen when we get too close..
i hate it..
you hate it..
but just so you know...
i am here...
cuz hey..
without you... i would not be here...
and its time to return the favor..
Love Love babe...

Dying

Sick like a dog..
honestly...
Stupid Chest infection...
I am so Gung Ho that i din go to a doc
so i am headed to school tomorrow...
with my stupid chest infection...
my neck hurts...
my head hurts...
my throat hurts...
-----------
You
Me
An Endless Beach
A Cloudless Evening
A Starlit Sky
What do you say?

P-Oed

What's new?
Chalet Plans Burned

BBQ Plans up in smoke
But thats our class for you
And people thought we were joking
its normal
good job-bad job
What does it matter
No support from our class anyway
its always been the same
First day On
The Rest OFF
F-Off man
P-Oed
Damn it

Life..

Ain't life just beautiful?
well hell no
it never is..
it never goes according to plan
Unexpected things happen
unforeseen circumstances
Maybe there are glimmers of hope
A single Ray of light
but the clouds take control after that
I hate this...
-------

Scissors, Paper, Stone?

Interesting...
Dinner turned into a long walk round the neighborhood
and i nv really explored mine...
Met at Ktb Mrt
Walked Over to Nypizza
Ate...
we Decided to take a walk
towards Yishun Stadium
across the park
Back alley past flora and farm
nee soon camp, Sembawang rd
Mandai, upper thomson
Yishun Avenue 1
The Reservoir walk
back across the road
Ktb Mrt
Completed a figure 8
Bao Bao Cha...
Home
total time spent
3 hours plus
Distance covered
several Kilometers
Foot Sore now... haha
all unplanned...
spontaneous
--------------
I miss A A P
havent talked in ages
maybe tomorrow?
i hope so...

One More day

Okay... Exams are the SH*T
i mean not what i expected..
so screwed...
Well at least i got maths...
i hope...
d-_-||b
i'm confused
We are just friends
nothing more
Why does everybody think somethings up
ugh
irritating
-----
It's nothing...
Right?

Tired

Tired..
Well I think i am screwed for my Exams
dunno how i am gonna do..
Damn Over Achiever
Hmm..
And My Class Guys are getting stupid
i hate it...
i need time off..
i need time alone
just after my hols too..

Time & Time Again

Class Chalet Was Not All Bad
Its was better than Expected.
there were 5 guitars there including mine
it was fun when the whole gang was there..
then when people started to leave
leaving a few people..
few Couples.
and that feeling just sucks
feeling alone again.
i did not know what to do..
i definitely did not know what to say
I think i may have been a little stupid.
I'm sorry G
i don't know what i was doing.
Maybe i need to stop thinking so much..
i hate what i am..
i hate what i'm becoming.
i got to change..
now..

Thinking

You know...
i think about stuff when i am alone.
and i am alone very often..
so i think a lot..
Money and friendship should never cross paths..
cuz when they do the relationship becomes strained.
this is speaking from Experience.
Bros for one thing..
but.. you also gotta give me some self assurance
Thats the point in time when things start to devolve
and spiral into an endless loop of misplaced trust and Betrayal.
i never brought this matter up...
cuz i usually am not strapped for cash...
but it got me thinking... what if i did?
will i get it back?
though these are things that i do not want to think about...
it creeps into my head and very often... ah well...
-----------------------
I miss my friends
its been so long.
well today i get to see them
class chalet.
wonder how many will turn up..
wonder what the atmosphere will be like..
cuz from past experiences..
it has definitely not been pleasant
not one bit at all...
Maybe things will be different..
maybe people change..
Whats that old saying again?
A leopard Never Changes its Spots

Finally

Finally i finished my blog.
self made skin...
i love photoshop....
Musics Up too...
yay...
-------------
Okay i really really honestly need to get studying
i did like crap for mock paper...
so screwed...
i think for mid year i am gonna do badly..
not good... my reps on the line...
especially since i have been such an over achiever...
yeah.. i gotta get studying hard... very hard...
--------------
I miss you...
when will i see you again

Interesting

I think i resemble house from Medical Drama Series House
I hate to be wrong..
will want to prove myself right sometimes even hurting people around me in the process
but inevitably i still care for them..
though i seem more likely to show it than house.
i damned well think i am god..
and its bitten me in the rear one too many times
but that doesn't change me...
it fuels me..
I Hate to be wrong.
I definitely hate it...
cant take it...
die hard over achiever many would say
but what do i care?
there ain't no way any Tom Dick or Harry's gonna beat me..
no way... no how..
even if i dun study i got minimum requirements for myself
I think i am an over achiever who puts in below nominal efforts..
but what can i say??
even when i dun, i seem to be doing honestly better than most..
well this is MI. competition isn't really anyones forte..
I gotta mention.. when Jeff and David entered the scene..
That gave me some form of challenge...
well its unfortunate that the rest of my classmates... well...
i honestly think...
they gotta be more like me..
perfectionist when it comes to grades..
happy with a BBB?
hell no...
Nothing Lower Than AAA
and you guys should really stop thinking of me as an overachiever..
at least i know where i wanna go..
do any of you?
and what efforts have you guys been putting in...
and i honestly say... there is talent amongst us
they just gotta focus a hell lot more...
Ah well...
We'll see as time goes along...

Wandering Minds

i think i let my mind wander too much..
hmm...
is it me or have my recent post been a little reflective..
i dunno
what do i want in life?
its a big mystery
i miss school..
though there are people i wish would just die..
if you think you are one of those then by god what did you do to me?
i have taken a laid back perspective on life and its not helping me...
especially since i am taking my A's this year
What am i doing?
i am wasting my time blogging in the middle of the nite
not sleeping and during the day?
games
damn i honestly think i need to wake up..
but thats a bit difficult considering the times i am sleeping..
i love drinking..
no idea why but its there and i do it so bugger off...
hmm if anyone is going call me..
be it beer or liquor...
i dun really care...
and if its at dxo thats double the reason too...
love that place...
arg... what am i doing...
losing my mind...

Honestly... i dunno what to post.
many things have been running through my mind...
i guess i dunno where i belong...
what is my purpose...
people keep telling me that i will make it one day..
that i will achieve great things
will i?
i am a nobody...
i am in MI for gods sake
is it my place to judge what i can achieve?
cuz society is in control ultimately
I lack the necessary drive to accomplish anything
Or maybe its my die hard nature to just want to outdo everybody
honestly..
sometimes i feel i am held back..
the need not to make my friends feel stupid
the need to have friends in the first place.
i put others before me.
too nice a guy?
sometimes even they annoy me.
maybe i am finally showing my true colours...
but what are my true colours?
who am i?
what am i supposed to be?
i dun even know
and thats saying a lot about a guys mental stability.
if anyone has the answers to these questions..
then i gotta question for you..
what gave you the right to judge me?
society?
or just cause you think you have perfect life?
you know what position i am in?
do any of you really know?
can any of you really tell?
they say experience tells a lot..
but isnt every experience unique?
you think that different backgrounds..
constitutes different treatment
i honestly say i am tired
tired of being the butt of jokes..
tired of being the joke..
i dun want to lash out
that never helped me in the past..
but now i think i am left with no choice
you think you know me???
i swear to you...
none of you really do..

What Could Be

11th of june.
leong's bdae
had a hell of a time
i am sure he did too
made new friends too
Luth, Di, cheryl.
cool peepz..
Of course we will frequent that place
i mean...
good music
good drinks
good company
-------
i miss it already..
a single moment..
I'm not Crazy
I'm just a little unwell
Stay a while and maybe then you'll see
a different side of me...
--------
you definitely saw a diff side of me...

I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
On a moment
That's hanged to your own

And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid

And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

They can't tell me who to be
Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies thatI'll never believe

And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

I'm the one now
Cause I'm still here
I'm the one
Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here

tired

i miss having you around
but i guess thats normal
never seems to be any different
i should just stop trying
makes no diff if i try
i am nv gonna move..
----------

simply a loser...

step 1

Feeling like crap...
cuz of all the shit thats been happening..
feeling really blessed...
Cuz all of those who support...
thank you...
----------
feeling really really weirded out...
a little bit goes a long way..
just a sign... is all it takes...
think about it...
=-=-=-=-=-=
you pissed off the wrong person...
now you face the wrath of GOD!!!!!

FRIDAY!!

tomorrow is the day..
the day whether i live or die...
the day i stay or go..
the day
Pray for me my brothers and sisters...
cuz i need all the blessings i get...

be myself

Time flies by very fast...
i dunno whats my priority...
i should really focus on the task at hand..
SCHOLARSHIP!!!
thats my aim...
Overseas Uni...
something i can hold on to...
i want to do it... and know what?
i will
thats my aim...
my dream...
love will have to wait a while...
not like its there or anything...

Love...

love is so strange...
I dunno what you want...
what you say...
what you do...
who is it for?
Cause you move forward
then you back off...
like you're unsure....
i need 1 sign...
just 1...
----------
i am too god damn nice a guy...
and it kills me....
kills my chances...
kills my options...
limits my actions...
i am gonna kill myself like this...
or maybe someone will save me before i do....
----------
confusion
racks my being...
nothing new...
1 chance is all i need
1

3rd SC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What can i say... i've stepped down... and i know i have made an impact...
this post is dedicating to the 3rd...
sorry if i miss out anyone...
lets start...

Wei Yew
the music we shared... the songs we sang... the troubles we've gone thru.. we got thru it all... with a smile on our lips and a song in our hearts... We have done it all and more... i won't forget you... and i know you wont forget me....

Salleh
YOU MAT!!! yeah you... you are one of the best friends i have ever made... you know what to say... just not how to say it.... but you know we know what you mean.. everything you say has an impact on us... we have done everything together... you rox...

Gwen
you are mad... oh yes you are... classmates.. council mates... sister... we have gone thru the stages... and now... we go back where we started.. we had fun.. and we will continue to have fun... peace out... thanks for the listening ear...

NANI!!!
you are someone who i will nv ever forget... you have been there for me... & you know i will always be there for you... the times we shared.. the words we exchanged... the tears shed... blood sweat and tears... what we have.. will last foreva... you are the best friend i have ever had... THE BEST... nothing lower than that for you... JUST FOR YOU...

Iskandar
you are the best prezzie that we ever had... yes sir... you know when to have fun... you also know when its time to be serious... we have had ups and downs and i am glad that i had you leading us... and i am sure you are happy to have us behind you...

Saddad
you are one mad man... but you have the stature to lead us... don't you poster boy... nothing can match the power you have... both physically and as a councillor.. nv forget the Tower Of Doom... Thats how much faith we have in you and you in us...

Tessa
what can i say? you are efficient and sometimes downright demanding... but it was good for us... the rigor kept us in shape... whether it rain or shine you were there... you're on task and influential... a pleasure to work with

Siraj
hey.. you are an elitist... you have joined the ranks of the select few who can do anything... thats right anything... dun you let your stature go... you may have been joked about but you know we respect you... you r who you r... a powerful man with an even more powerful voice...

Cheryl Seah
Ah my partner in crime... well not crime but you know... Qm;s job is tough but what the heck we did it together.. no? we are good... you are efficient and on task... and i am glad you worked with me... cuz i am not as organised in paperwork as you are... well it was a great pleasure.. and we shared the best of times.. and the worst... but we came out as better and stronger people...

ok Exco done...

random people time!!!!

Tze Kiat.. and Leong..
basket we are a bunch of bastards... but thats cause no one can challenge our strength... literally... they can try la... but they will die... we will shoot them until they blur... we command power and respect... and our stunts will go down in history as legendary... WE ARE THE ELITE BALLZ!!! whaha... they cant even come near us... you pick a fight with one of us... you fight all of us!!! SL's for life ballz...

Bryan
Ah my most efficient worker... dunno where i would be without you... nothing could have gone smooth without you by my side... you too are an elite... Remember nothing can bring us down..

Deebz, nilam and siti...
MICE GALORE... yeah... you three are insanely fun to be around... and we Love a clean Den/senate... i had fun... i hope you guys did too...

Mich
ah... Meng... whaha... you know i love jking with you... its been fun working with you... peace

JOJO
ah the girl i got invested with... we sms each other till the end of the day... and the next day we start again...haha nv ending cycle... i love having you around... brightens up the darkest day... thanks for the memories...

So many more... haiz... i wish i had the time to name you all...

You know why the number 3 is important?
cuz it represents 3rd council...
we rox!!!

solemn

Tears have flown...
it has stopped...
its over...

cold

well... you know...
i guess... i'm happy...
why? cuz life is so predictable...
i mean you can always count on it going wrong...
and you can prepare for it...
thats the case for me anyway...
so it does get me down as much...
though i really wish for change...
i know its stupid for me to talk about this...
ah well... i am stupid anyway...
nv learn .... nv eva learn...
who am i kidding right?
more and more peepz...
they are getting together..
where am i???
left in the dust...
i think i'll stay there...
better for me anyway...
i wonder when i will find the one..
well i should push that to the back of my mind...
cuz it ain't helping me one damn bit..
there is no secret to my life...
just tragedies...
and well... i guess i recover pretty quick... no?
-------------
throw me a fairy tale ending...
cuz thats all this is... a fairy tale...

illusions cloud my judgement..

Well then... That happiness was short lived...
dun matter...
it happens all the time anyway...
nothing new to me...
------------------
Cinderella Story...
all the shit but it took a turn for the better...
but as the title sayz...
Its a STORY...
a fairy tale ending...
Fairy tale it is...
nothing more
nothing else...
the question..
why does shit happen when i try something..
why is it always this way...
who knows?
-------------------
If you truly know me....
Prove it to me...
Cuz i dunno myself...
who am i?

happy

i am happy...
i really am...
things have been going my way...
and in more ways than 1...
------------
light attracts light...
darkness begets darkness...
undeniable...
the evidence is around us...
SC is MY light...
They are MY FAMILY...
i will nv let them go...
-----------------
i do believe that there is a limit to how emo someone can be... but i was proven wrong... very wrong... well... he just made a stupid mistake... that cost him everything... as things come and go... you can only grow stronger...you dun cry about the same thing over and over... jsut TOO gay.. well... too bad for him then...
------------------
Fie Fie...
you can tell cant you?
you know what i am talking about...
I AM HAPPY!!!!

Friends

Making some of the best friends of my life...
can't imagine life without SC
i really cant...
cheryl hoon
claudia
gen
cheryl tan.
ddin
shuk
arfie
bryan
nani
salleh
Kiat
Leong
so many more to name...
Life would be boring without you guys
not forgetting CHAN CHAN and CHENG CHENG
i love sc
---------------
i have moved on...
made new freinds..
cheryl hoon is mad...
having a tonne of fun..
love ya company cheryl..
---------------
i have moved on..
it came pretty suddenly..
its their lost...
no doubting that...
--------------

life sux

i dun know why..
feeling so alone...
damn loser...
why man...
--------------
making new frenz...
renewing old bonds...
well... there is not much renewing done..
hate it...
-------------
the new SCs' can make it
i have renewed faith..
THE NEW QM IS MAD!!!
haha... i like
i think things will work out...
------------------
Fie fie only you can see this...
dun tell anyone...
no one can know...
NO ONE...
EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED...
maybe i am...
maybe not....
----------------

hmm...

honestly... titles are overrated..
i am just so drained..

no mood to do anything...

i need to talk to you..
---------
survival of the fittest...
law of the jungle...
natural selection...

they all state the same thing...

the strong survive..
the weak die...

The smart live on...
the stupid kill themselves..

no way around it?
i will find a way..

cuz i have the will to survive..
to live on..

no matter what the challenge is..
no matter who you put in front of me...

take me on??
dun make me laugh...
i'll own you HIDE!!
------------
you've looked for something that has always been beside you...
...me..&..you...
will it ever be...
...nani...
you bring a smile to my face...

haiz...

Life happens again...
tried to meet nani... twice once on sunday
the other on wednesday..
but as usual... life happens
though its not so bad..
talked a lot...
she knows i dun wanna go home..
whaha...
-------------
i need you..
nani..
haha.. only i know..
give me a chance...
no pun intended...
maybe i could be the one...
------------
you've looked everywhere...
but i was always beside you...
i hope you realise that...
here i am...
this is me...

Life

In Anything you do. life happens to you..
so well... i just gotta say fuck it and move on..
the seminar in school was good.
i am focused on my goals in life.
i will think about them every day
positive thoughts will get me there..
hard work on my part will give me success..
-----------
4 dayz in a row cabbin home..
wednesday.
doing orientation AVA duties.
lots of work. tired..
waited for the gang from 7.
going for dinner was the plan.
waited till 9..
i left for home cuz it was late.
yeah.. cab fare was $12.40
-----------
thursday
orientation ended at 9 plus going 10
left school at 10 plus.
blazers had to be given out taken in.
the works.
saw lynette and dyan at bus stop.
gave them and bryan a lift.
cab fare $18 on the dot.
-----------
friday..
pre u 2 fun day.
AVA duty again.
getting very tiring..
so did duty..
finished at 9 plus.. left by ten..
saw mich at bus stop.
she was taking cab too..
decided to send her home.
geylang bahru..
hero right? i know.
talked in the cab fun..
cab fare $22.40
----------
saturday.
shi qi place for jaiz farewell party.
had fun.. made some progress..
what progress is for me to know..
Shhh ok? S. M.
nearly had a fight again..
1 and ronald.
damn funny..
shit happens we know..
cabbed home with jaiz ash and laura
cab fare 22.85
----------
cab fare this week $75.65
poor man now... haha
hmmm... am i making a stupid move?
i think the some of the girls know..
hmm... let it be a secret for now..
but i definitely making it.
I WILL DO IT!!!

Head Spinning...
Heart Acheing...
Losing Grip........
What Do I Do??
I Need something.....
I dunno what.............
I Need something.....
Something Real.........
Something to hold on to....
Someone There for me.....
I NEED YOU......................
DO YOU KNOW ????????
WHO YOU ARE?????????
-----------------
its ok..
even i dunno who you are...
even if you exist...
i wish you did though...
cuz i need you right now...
more than i ever did b4...
i am confused...
i need you to help me ...
I am hurt...
will you heal me?
where are you?
when can i see you?
will i EVER see you?
tired and broken...
will you piece me back together?
Will you revive me?
-------------
this lonely soul is leaving...
doomed to eternally wandering alone.
searching for something that will never be...
looking for something that can never be there...
--------------
Dried Tear Stains......

WTF Problems at home..

CANT TAKE IT!!!
FUCK MY LIFE DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!
ARG!!!!!
WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE TRASH...
I CAN NEVER GET A BREAK CAN I?
IN ANY ASPECT OF MY LIFE...
FREAKIN' HELL...
ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---------
FOR 19 YEARS.
I NEVER KNEW..
HOW WELL THEY HID THE TRUTH
HOW WELL I LIVED A LIE...
SOME ONE HELP ME...
I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME...
ANYBODY
PLEASE...

Titles Are Overated...
And i cant think of any..
-------------
Days and Nights passing
and they dun pass by quietly.
i have been thinking about her..
DUN WORRY NOT HER HER
Some one else...
AND I DUN LIKE HER
just that she is a GREAT Friend
This so to clear up the dust...
---------------
School tomolo...
LONG day...
heck...
I AM GONNA SLEEP IN CLASS
btw... BENNY LIM SUCKS!!!!!!!!
hmm that felt better.....

hmm,,,

I dun understand it...
a simple comment hurts so much...
it is just one line...
and i am not even sure if it is directed at me...
even if it wasn't it still hurts...
i guess... feelings haven't died...
I dun know if they ever will...

heya..

busy Emoing and playing Emo songs at home...
that's what happens when you got nothing happening on CNY... yeah.. i am losing my mind.
at home with ma lonesome playing ma fender...
what else could i need...
maybe a girl to be here with me...
haha...

to those who dun know...
i am musically inclined...
take that posers...
whaha...
well time to stop blogging and start practicing...
who knows... i MIGHT make it big someday...

New Phone... Moto RAZR V3XX
yeah... this means i can post photos ... and lots of them....



one of the first few pics i took
emo ain't it?
well... i will start uploading
photos as i take them.....

---------------------
peenuts day was fun...
though i wish i had not been that sick
getting sicker by the second...
but i had loads of fun...
thanks guys...

Results Are in...
Maths A 74%
Econs A 74%
physics A 75%
Gp c5 50%
Dream Results
-------------
I really need to say thanks to nani...
her little little stupid smses...
she made my day when i made hers..
haha...
i got V dae gift...
but on that day... i only gave stuff to 1 person
no not that person you think it is...
i gave giftS to nani...
i felt she needed someone to make her day..
so I did...
Keep them ok... i never gave anything to anyone else...
-------------
SHE IS ATTACHED!!!!!!!!
nothing new in the story of my life...
i hate it...
i never get it right...
i will remain single for now..
i do not want to hurt myself again...
thanks arfie, nani and gwen...
you guys made me keep my distance...
i suck at this...

LOSER
thats all i am
LONER
thats all i'll ever be
SMILE
is what i'll do for now...

its coming...

I hate it...
the day is almost here...
the Most hated day of my life..
the day that i feel so lame...
-----------------
i hate my life...
i am scared...
i feel so lame...
sorry guys...
if i have been an ass...
i hate myself being this way..
i hate it...
-----------------
i am expecting the worse...
that way it will hurt less...
i definitely think she is attached...
just scared to find out for sure...
i feel so lame...
LOSER

Falling...

I am falling...
i know i am...
And i can't stop falling...
I want to be with you...
but... i still dun know whether she is single...
i want to know..
but i cant seem to ask her..
i dun want it to end...
---------
they day is coming...
i am still alone...
i would ask her...
but... i have no confidence..
i want to ask her..
i really do...
she is nice...
we talk a lot..
is there a chance?
i still hate the day...
---------
Peenuts out again...
another gift... another week...
rukie is his name...
a brown cocker spaniel...
seeing her smile makes us all happy..
i love Peenuts...
---------
exams just over...
today is a happy day...
exchanged gifts with Llama...
she loved the stuff i got her...
i love the dog tags...
i got her dogs...
she got me dog tags..
the whole day was spent messaging her..
she is so cute....
i got back 2 papers today...
I PASSED GP..
c5 25/50
I GOT AN "A" FOR ECONS
mcq 19/25
essay 18/25
37/50
woohoo "A"
i love it...
today i am so happy...
gave mich yeo 4rt her pig too..
she loves it... whaha...
i am happy... i really am...
i went to JP later... with PeeNuts...
i am a happy man...
d^^|b

WTF

school is shit... really... shit...
ok not exactly school but the management...
they are letting go of TOP students...
bunch of idiots... What is wrong with them...
O levels?
after 2 plus years here already?
got damn it...
makes you wonder doesn't it...
how a simple piece of PAPER is held to such esteem
ITS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER FOR GODS SAKE!!!!
Ig, Kai mun and Mariam...
all the best in what ever you guys do..
this school had is never going anywhere...
not until there is a changing of the guard..
bunch of twerps...
-------------------------------------
feeling lonely...
getting closer to the date...
quote that made the day...
"st pats is a neighborhood school"
haha..
I miss you...
you presence...
you stupid jokes...
i guess i am falling for you...
hmmm..... got to let go again....
i am such a loser...
then again...
whats new...

Hmm..

hey... new skin... as usual... the day of love and kisses is coming...
and it would not be complete without a new lonely blog...
i am being stupid.
i know...
but its the truth isn't it?
i am lonely... every one is once in a while...
just some "whiles" last longer than the rest...
whaha... i hate the day.... i really do...
nothing personal... its just that day...

ThoughTz

Hmm... studied at west coast...
slacked at the playground...
had Q&A with the peenuts..
arfie... listen to the moon and the sun.. whaha
i like Q&A...
but...
the topics need to change...
dun like talking about love life...
stinks...
whaha...
student politics is good though...
whaha...
--------------------------

uhm.. i am a little confused...
i guess i still have a little feeling for her...
but can anyone give up that feeling totally...
i am unlucky aren't i?
they are always attached...
or they get attached to good friends...
so... what should i do...
arfie...thanks for the valentine offer...
but its just not the same...
you still got badot...
feels weird...
not that i cant...
just that i dun want too...
cuz... i really dun want to see or hear about couples...
makes me feel too much like a loser...
but then again... whats new??
-----------------------

P & C SUCKS!!!!!!!!

(-_-'||)

Weekend... well... spent it mostly with church peepz... interesting...
SAT
CG at lizzie's place...
had fun...
CONRAD HOTEL CAKE!!!
lizzie mine and joels birth celebrated...
cake was delish... arg...
get more phillip..
went to lagoon at east coast...
ate insanely good food... whahaha
me and leong told agnes about our school politics
unity peepz... thats the way to go..
SUN
... wen down to carls junior..
met agnes jun kit leong philip and co.
plan was to study B4 service...
i got some work done... leong was late
JK... ns study what shit?
agnes... had to run for a meeting..
phillip sat there rotting and speaking in tamil... damn funny...
service pastored by rev. dennis burke from texas... kool...
he brought up stuff we talked about on sat... insane man..
now me and leong got renewed faith...
benny.. you shall know what is PSALM 133:1
behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
heard that... combine the organizations...
let us prosper together...
-----------------------------------------------------------
now... i am a little stupid...
i should not go looking for it...
i should just stop...
everytime i do i get burned...
get dissapointed...
i am the loser...
i prefer it this way...
no need to go through elaborate processes to get to this point..
its easier on the heart mind and soul...
(-_-'||)

tonight...

tonight... the day i was born... 19 years ago...
i wonder whats in store for me... i dunno..
all i know is that the tonight... I'll be alone..
like I've been for the past 19 years...
cool... hahhah... looking forward to tomorrow...
have no idea whats in store...
i wonder... will my birthday wish come true?
if it does...
well..
it won't...
i should not kid myself...
no matter...
i have to thank the peenuts... you guys...
thanks for pulling me out... opening my eyes..
thanks for waking me up...
thanks for making me a red(ouch) indian... hahhah
i love you guys to bits...
smarties!!!!!

Cryings blades of steel...

hey...
Life is wierd...
very wierd...
my friends are finding love of their lives...
i just wish i can find one...
hahhah... stupid me...
i am being stupid ain't i?
well... just too bad...
i shall just carry on living lonely...
mhmm... lonely Valentine...
here i come...

Tears...

Loneliness- Westlife
Loneliness is always looking for a friend
It found me once and it has been around since then
Loneliness is never waiting by the door
It sweeps right through and it will never be ignored
Why, why was I chosen?
Why am I left without?

[Chorus]
The love of my life, the love that I need
The love that they say is in life for free
The love of dreams, the love that I want
Loneliness knows me by name

Loneliness knows everything I keep inside
My endless thought in the silence of the night
Loneliness is the one who made me see
Ain't nobody else who can make a change but me
Why, why was I chosen?
Why am I left without?

[Chorus]

Life is more and that would be the vacant space
The cried out tears and a never ending maze
I have found what only loneliness provides
A strength within knowing I will find

[Chorus] x 2

___________________________________


Its time to move on...
It really is...
She loves him...
Why torture myself...
Just need time...
Something i have obsessed about...

She Loves Him...
Not Me...
I have to remember...
I need to forget...

....................

I love pain

hmm

blogger is slow today...
but, my day was made today...
though it was broken at first...
FIE FIE YOU DIE... never call xia...
still at macs la... waiting...
nvm.. stupid girl..

A Repeat

very short post... to feel pain is good... it means you are alive and you will make it through...
pain... is what separates reality and fantasy...
pain is what keeps me real..
pain is what keeps me cool
pain is what keeps me calm
pain is what keeps me collected...
pain is what personifies me...
its who i am...
its who i will always be...
pain is a constant reminder...
to keep my distance...
i love pain...

DRAINED

OH Man... i am so damn drained... yeah seriously...
i hanged with arfie din bryan and salleh this time around...
quote arfie"Whenever we Hang out... Its more than 2 hours"
Yeah balls... the other day it was close to 24 hours...
woohoo... i love talking to them... i mean i havent talked so much in so long...
and we just don't stop talking... we don't..
Well... i got to get some sleep...
update more another day...
BTW... still pissed at benny....

hmm

wow... what a day... spent it with me closest buddies... b4 that... HAPPY B-DAE GWEN AND BERT... kool man... spending time with dudes i hardly had time for the past year... but things are changing... woohoo... well this post is sorta to let of some more steam so here goes...

Tomorrow... i finish at 5.45... after THAT... i gotta go see benny... why?? to reaffirm who bought or did not buy the og pakages... ALONE!!!!... pissed... but as he is my teacher.. i have to obey... hmm... if he were'nt... he would be dead... i will drain hiss blood into a container... after i emtomb him in an iron maiden... the blood will be used as a symbol of the inclean... for that is who he is...

actually thats all i have for today... muwhahahaha... i will definitely post about the nitemare that i would probably go thru tomorrow... yep... touche` people... touche`

MADDENING

Irresponsible... i have not heard that word for a long time... a very long time... i hate that word... epecially when uttered from the mouth of a contemptuous jerk who knows not the difference between behind the scenes and obvious... a person who attempts to butter up potential people of power... just to have a glimmer of hope that he might accend to a better place... well... fuck you... you are going to rot at the deepest foulest regions of this country and you will squirm in a void that is devout of contentment for you... for you have angered the gods in your attempts to desacrate my image... you have angered GODLEFTHAND™ and the walker of the darkside of life... SHADOWALKER™... you are a fool to think you can bolster a positive image when you image was already predetermined when you set foot on this planet... it is my resolute vow that you shall perish before my eyes... you will be set ablaze in the fires of hell... and you will freeze in the deepest regions of the artic... you shall know no peace and respect as long as i live....

woohoo... that was a good rant... that mofo of a person.. well.. i respect miss chan more than i will ever respect your sorry piece of a person... she is not even in the same league as you... you can just go eat your own shit... you will never have my respect... not after those words that were uttered out of your mouth... i never took miss chan for granted... not ever... you will learnt the hard way... why i can be the biggest asshole you have ever met... touche`... benny... touche`..

new year

... its the new year... a new beginning... and the closing of an another chapter... and i guess... i am leaving the dream behind... i feel that... i wun make it... The girl is trying so hard to go back... i got no heart to try... to stop her... no heart at all... no confidence.... maybe i am a loser... i big one... woohoo... i guess that this is good bye...